YOU MIGHT BE A PARKIE IF. . . .

  • If you hold your hair dryer in your Parkinson hand to minimize scalp burn, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If your definition of freezing does not involve the words Fahrenheit or centigrade, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If “The Shuffle” is not a 70’s dance step, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If you hold your garden hose in your tremor hand to avoid replacing your oscillating sprinkler, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If you can’t define sleep deprivation without nodding off, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If you know more than one word that ends in "kinesia", you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If you were invited to a masquarade ball for no apparent reason, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If cramping toes are your only reason to look forward to Botox, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If your urine sample is suitable for dyeing Easter eggs, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If your lack of arm swing will prevent you from blending into “the hood”, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If you think waxing the car with your Parkinson’s hand speeds up the process, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If you’ve ever considered food poisoning a remedy for constipation, you might be a redneck Parkie (Oh, come on, you knew there was one in there somewhere).
     

  • If the size of your handwriting is now a post-graduate study in nanotechnology, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If your Circadian rhythm wants to sleep during the day and you leave the light on to accommodate it, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If fatigue makes you fantasize about getting housework done, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If you have anosmia (look it up) and volunteer to do the chores no one else wants, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If the hallucination of your M.I.L. is such an improvement, you ask her to sit for a spell, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If your voice level earned you an audition for Horse Whisperer II, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If the thought of not burning the Jiffy Pop brings a smile to your face, you might be a Parkie (can hear your mother's voice -"You gotta keep shak'en it or you're gonna burn the popcorn.")
     

  • If your choice of eggs is scrambled, scrambled or scrambled, you might be a Parkie.
     

  • If you think the instrumental "Wipe Out" is an appropriate theme song for dyskinesia, you might be a Parkie.


     

     

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